I hate August.  It’s hot, humid, and aside from my yearly trip to Maryland, rather dull. It’s also generally the most bleak month for hockey.  No more free agency buzz, rosters are pretty much settled — the majority of the NHL is in hibernation, lying in wait for training camp to start.  We have nothing to go on but our own imagination until preseason starts in late September.

In honor of hockey’s most boring time of year, I’ve compiled a list of the top 5 ways to keep yourself up to date and entertained during these last long weeks of summer.

5. Find other hockey-deprived people to talk to

This one is rather popular within my household.  We often sit and bullshit with each other on such things as “so when do you think Tampa Bay will release it needs to play defense too?” or “Approximately how quickly is Jay Bouwmeester headed out of Florida next year?” (I don’t think he’ll make it past the trade deadline).  Other topics include:

Who is Garth Snow tricking into taking over for Ted Nolan on Long Island?  And will it really make a difference?

Can the Thrashers make it to the cap floor?

Will Mats Sundin ever make up his mind?

How does Toronto plan to get better by signing guys like Ryan Hollweg? (Anyone with a logical answer to this one, please, enlighten me)

Will Sidney Crosby repeat the Zorro-stache next year?

The possibilities are endless.

4. Sean Avery

That’s right, a Devils fan promoting Sean Avery.  He’s out of my hair (and by hair, I mean conference) now so I can sit back and laugh instead of constantly wanting his face bashed in.  As much as he is a COMPLETE asshole, you can make the case that all of the constant publicity focused on him in the media circus in New York was probably a good thing for the NHL (in some cases, anyway).  This week, Sean made his debut in Dallas, and true to form, came out swinging for the fences.  In his introductory press conference he took shots at the Rangers new acquistions and joked that the team wouldn’t be as good this year.  He threw out the first pitch at a TEXAS Rangers game earlier this week, and was instantly good friends with Brendan Morrow and Marty Turco, who both spoke out rather harshly against Avery during the playoffs.

Nothing like a good dose of douchebaggery to brighten a hot summer day!

3. The Pensblog

As much as I’m a Devils fan and a lot of Devils fans would probably stone me for saying this, I have no probably admitting that I pulled for the Penguins pretty intensely after the Devils were eliminated from this years’ playoffs. Sid, Geno, and the rest of the Pens were just so much fun to watch.  Pensblog takes an incredible love for the Penguins and channels it into a hysterical daily blog.  Funny photoshops and videos, mockery of the entire league, and game recaps are just some of what you can expect from these guys.  Not recommended for Marian Hossa fans

2. Mats Sundin

If all else fails, Mats Sundin seems to be all the NHL cares about this summer.  He’s set at least two deadlines for deciding his future, politely declined a $20 MILLION CONTRACT from the Canucks.  As far as I can tell, is sitting on his ass in Sweden letting everyone in the hockey world hold their breath and wait for him to decide if and where he’s going to play.  At this point, I’m getting more entertainment from watching reports trip over each other to get the latest news all the while not realize just how ridiculous the whole situation has gotten (”Mats has decided today that he’ll decide a week from next Tuesday!”)than I think I’ll ever get from him deciding .  The funny thing is, I bet there’s a good chance, if he does decide to come back, he won’t be able to pull a Brett Favre and drag himself away from Toronto, no matter how awful they may be.  And all the hype will have been for nothing.

1. Puck Daddy’s Portraits in Heroism Contest

Greg Wyshynski’s blog over at Yahoo is worth a spot in your RSS reader of choice anyway, but this recent effort was particularly entertaining.  About 2 weeks ago the challenge was posted: make Commissioner Gary Bettman look heroic in whichever way you see fit.  The blog accepted entries until August 1st, and 230 hilarious entries later, Gary Bettman has been immortalized in ways that you will never un-see.  The contest winners are linked above, the full gallery can be seen here.